Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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