I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
