i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
