You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
