I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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