Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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