It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
