Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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