He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
