I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
