hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
