also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
