tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
