Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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