I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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