Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The ass gains better be worth it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
