My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All the doctor said was why
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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