yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
