The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
