My cat gives me a boner
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
