so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
