and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
