Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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