were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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