This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
