don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
