i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
