Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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