new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
