dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Terrible idea I love it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
