Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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