I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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