There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
