In the future we'll all be gay
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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