brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
