I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
