This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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