Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
