Duck Duck Cougar?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
