literally had 100 drinks last night.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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