You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
