There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
someone owes me an orgasm
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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