Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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