He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
