OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
