I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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