Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
