our cab driver is having phone sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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