I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
