are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
50% drunk capacity currently
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
