She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
