You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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