Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
