life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
